Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I Know You are But What am I?

This is got to be one of the lamest childhood taunts going but I just found myself using a variation on a person I was upset with.  Makes me wonder if all of that money I spent on getting to the master level in emotional intelligence should be refunded. In an emotional exchange even the best of us can lose our cool.
I spoke to my amazing friend Deborah Monroe, an Ei practitioner from San Antonio Texas who listened as I explained what had happened and heard how upset I was. I am blessed to have friends in my life who will take the time to listen and coach me. Deborah asked me a question I ask others but it’s so interesting when you actually have to do the work you teach others.
Deborah asked me if I had reflected back to the person at a feeling level.  
“But they accused me of something I didn’t do!” I answered  “They talked to me like a recalcitrant child! They, they they were blaming me for stuff that was absolute crap.”
We were talking on skype so I could see her laugh and she asked me again.
I answered “Well… no. I teach this stuff, I don’t always do it!” (I do try to live what I teach but some days are harder than others.)
Deborah asked “Did you mention that you were worried about how this would affect the friendship.”
I told her that I had mentioned to my friend that I was disappointed in her as well. Even as I said it I cringed. The “I Know You are But What am I?”
So, where do we go from here?
 Frankly I don’t have all of the answers.  What I do know is if you do the right thing with the right intention that things work out. I'll be calling my friend tonight to talk it over, with feeling.
Join me tomorrow. I'll let you know what happens!

3 comments:

  1. I find myself going through a similar childish thing with my 16yo step-son. "Well if he's not going to blah blah blah, then I'm not going to blah blah blah!" It's tough when emotions get involved. I'm more of a 'thinker', so the am often trying to apply logic rather than deal with the emotions. If I remind myself that I'm 48 years old, that usually sets me straight for a couple of hours at least. haha

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  2. Great post Lea. I'll be checking in tomorrow to see what happens!

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  3. You certainly struck a chord with me in this blog Lea. Seems relationships are like rivers, they hit turns, bumps & drops, and may even trickle for awhile. Then return to their fullness. Looking forward to your next piece.

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